Waitress Gets Unlikely Answer to Age-Old Question

Waitress: Pointing to empty cocktail glass: “Can I take that out of your way or are you still enjoying it?”
Me: “What this empty glass and I enjoy on our own time is none of your business.” Looks at glass: “Now, where were we? I believe you were talking about your strained relationship with your family?” 

Poor Semantics Result in Toddler Fight Club 

Upon witnessing an altercation at the playground between two toddlers (a “toddlercation,” as one may say – “one” being me) I quickly responded by saying to this one particularly handsy child, “Please don’t push her like that!” The disagreement (over a broken bucket) immediately ceased as they both stared up at me as if waiting for some form of follow up or, at the very least, a prepared statement. It was then that the possible implications of what I had said, or more so how I had chosen to say it,  dawned on me. Had I just indicated that there were perhaps better, far more efficient or favorable, ways for toddlers to push one another? Were they waiting on me for a demonstration? Was I even aptly prepared to give said demonstration? It seemed very likely that I had just unintentionally appointed myself as the leader of, what could very well be, Cambridge’s very first underground toddler fight club. *The facts are unknown as to whether or not one already exists. The vacant stares of the children subsided as one gave me a big grin and said, “I ated a hotdog last night.” The other sat down quietly on a bench and immediately dug into a nostril with great fervor. “Excellent,” I mused to myself. They were already displaying skills of true champions. Skills which would surely translate well in the ring.